Hilarious!

Something about this struck me as really funny.  Of course I don’t believe it to be 100% true, but isn’t it funny how we think we have it “all figured out” before having children.  Surely that is why God has given them each the temperment & personality that He has!

15 Steps to Becoming a Great Parent:

Lesson 1

1. Go to the grocery store.

2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.

3. Go home.

4. Pick up the paper.

5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2

Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their…

1. Methods of discipline.

2. Lack of patience.

3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.

4. Allowing their children to run wild.

5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child’s breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior. Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3

A really good way to discover how the nights might feel….

1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12

pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)

2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.

3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.

4. Set the alarm for 3AM.

5. As you can’t get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.

6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.

7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.

8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.

9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)

Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

Lesson 4

Can you stand the mess children make? To find out..

1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.

2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.

3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.

4. Then rub them on the clean walls.

5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.

6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Lesson 5

Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.

1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.

2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.

Time allowed for this – all morning.

Lesson 6

1. Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and a jar of paint, turn it into an alligator.

2. Now take the tube from a roll of toilet paper. Using only Scotch tape and a piece of aluminum foil, turn it into an attractive Christmas candle.

3. Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty packet of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower

Lesson 7

Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don’t think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don’t look like that.

1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there.

2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.

3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.

4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 8

1. Get ready to go out.

2. Sit on the floor of your bathroom reading picture books for half an hour.

3. Go out the front door.

4. Come in again.Go out.

5. Come back in.

6. Go out again.

7. Walk down the front path.

8. Walk back up it.

9. Walk down it again.

10.Walk very slowly down the sidewalk for five minutes.

11. Stop, inspect minutely, and ask at least 6 questions about every cigarette butt, piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue, and dead insect along the way.

12. Retrace your steps.

13. Scream that you have had as much as you can stand until the neighbors come out and stare at you.

14. Give up and go back into the house.

You are now just about ready to try taking a small child for a walk.

Lesson 9

Repeat everything you have learned at least (if not more than) five times.

Lesson 10

Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is also excellent). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week’s groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 11

1. Hollow out a melon.

2. Make a small hole in the side.

3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.

4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.

5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.

6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.

You are now ready to feed a nine- month old baby.

Lesson 12

Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you’re thinking What’s “Noggin”?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 13

Move to the tropics. Find or make a compost pile. Dig down about halfway and stick your nose in it. Do this 3-5 times a day for at least two years.

Lesson 14

Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying “mommy” repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each “mommy”; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 15

Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the “mommy” tape made from Lesson 14 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

note to readers

This is actually the top.  I did a looong list of updates before, during, and after the move.  If you want to read chronologically go to October, then scroll to the bottom for oldest to newest.  No real difference.  Maybe some of my comments will make more sense if you read them in order though!

Wendy

Will She Ever Stop?

If you think my update has gone on too long you are right.  It is nearly 3 am.  That’ll hurt in a few hours.  This is what I get for getting behind.  How could I skip it all and just start in at the present though?  I couldn’t.  Now you’ve seen us settling in.  We are unpacked (except for some things we obviously don’t need), school has started, and the church has been very welcoming.  We are seeing beautiful places and learning lots through “doing”.  Sometimes I still feel like I’m on vacation.

Our nameless apple farm friends had us over for this lovely pumpkin picking party.  They grew them in their own backyard and had plenty to share.  These are pie pumpkins so I’ve been saving pumpkin recipes I come across.  Must put them to good use after a little enjoyment on the dining table.  Thanks FRIENDS!  They have a wonderful garden too.  We’ve already been the grateful recipients of flowers, tiny tomatoes, squash & zucchini.

Dad is reading us The Hobbit or There and Back Again.  Sometimes there is a fire.  Sometimes there isn’t.  Goodnight!

My Boy.

Yeah!  Aiden learned to tie his shoes!  He was 5 years, 2-3 months when he learned.  I think it came easier to him than to the girls.  He was rather pleased.  Of course!

Gizdich Apples

Whaddya know?  Another field trip!  Well I’ve never picked apples before so we couldn’t pass up a chance to go to Gizdich Ranch in Watsonville.  The season is only so long, ya know?  It wasn’t close and you can get them cheaper in the store.  Tourists.  Our new friends from church met us there.  An added bonus!

Every apple farm needs an old, broken down tractor for the kids to climb in.  Oh wait, this is my first apple farm.  Well they had one here.  It was a bit rusty for safe play, if you ask me.

Our three plus new friends.  New friends will remain nameless until I have express, written consent to post them here. 

Making fresh apple juice the next morning.  There were pancakes with apples too!  Yum.

Anybody Gettin’ Tired of Field Trips Yet? Nope!

This house has what they call an “atrium” or “solarium”.  To me, it is an enclosed patio.  Whatever you call it, it is huge.  That red thing is a “swedish fireplace” over in the corner.  We opted to use this as our dining room so we could use the real dining room as a “study”.  Besides, what else would I have put out there?  As you can see, the kids thought up the great idea of using it as a skating rink.  I saw no harm in it as the tiles are clearly ancient and not in tip top shape.  We pulled up the corners of the rug under the table to give them a little more space when circling the table.  It works.

Chris had been wanting to try out public transportation to see how practical it would be for him to get to school.  We made a field trip out of it as riding the bus is new to us “country folk”.  I know, I know.  We hiked to the nearest bus stop from our house and waited.  They let the kids ride free and I won’t bother trying to explain the fees for Chris & I.  If you didn’t have a car and NEEDED the bus it would be worth it, but  I naively thought it would be just a couple quarters.  We successfully loaded in and rode to the main exchange to transfer busses.  It worked!  Course it took about an hour.  We can drive to Naval Post Graduate School in less than 10 minutes.

Once at NPS, Chris gave us the campus tour.  (He’d been coming to inprocess, etc and was getting an idea of where things were already.)

At the top of Hermann Hall.  I don’t know how many flights of stairs we climbed, but it felt like 50.  It was a clear and beautiful day to look out from atop this historic hotel.  Aiden lost his sunglasses over the wall shown in the picture.  They landed on a roof another level down.  He couldn’t understand why we wouldn’t let him “just climb down and get them”!

Looking down the classic, old staircase at Chris & Ellie, a level or two down.

International flags outside of some building at NPS.  (Chris may gasp in horror at the “some building” statement.)

Have you ever been on a field trip without snack time?  I didn’t think so.

Going home took a bit longer as we missed the bus from NPS to the transfer station.  We walked.  It was fun and doable.  The bus certainly takes longer than driving.  More waiting.  It saves money if you don’t simultaneously maintain a car.  It also cuts off at a certain time each day.  Not conducive to the times some of his classes dismiss.  I am thankful that we don’t have to depend on it.

Kids waiting by a fountain for the bus to take us near home.  Then we walk again.

Good Day for a Bike Ride

The kids haven’t been able to ride bikes as much as in FL.  Our street was less frequented there and no through traffic on the neighborhood circle.  Here the cars drive too fast, there are hills and curves.  One day we loaded up the bikes and took a nice ride along the Montery Bay Coastal Bike Trail.  The kids all keep up nicely and Aiden wants us to go faster.  There is lots of traffic on this path.  It runs along the bay.  Many are tourists strolling.  Many frequent this path for regular exercise:   biking, running & power-walking.  The kids must pay attention and stay in control of the bike and dodge people all while moving at a rather rapid pace.  I am amazed at the speed that some cyclists use through this heavily populated section of the trail.  It actually seems dangerous to me.  Thankfully there were no accidents.

Pulled off to the side to use binoculars here.  There are more creatures sunning themselves on the rocks.  Otters too (I know what those look like!).

We stopped when the trail ended at Lover’s Point, Pacific Grove.  Not too sure how many miles we rode, there & back, but that would just be bonus info anyway.  You get the idea!

Plenty of rocks to climb on here.  Good thing he still has his bike helmet on, no?!

I like this picture of the 4 bikers.  Ready to head back from the turning around point.

“Tourists”

Fisherman’s Wharf, Monterey at sunset.  We were really here.  Adeline isn’t superimposed although that is what I think it looks like when I see these pictures.  Just a normal day docked in the Monterey Bay.

All good tourists buy over-priced ice cream going home (even though it is cold outside).  Smart tourists buy ice cream at the grocery store.

Completely changing the subject here, but I guess it does show my amazement with the area.  A couple at church brings simply hundreds of grapes to church every week.  Can you imagine growing this in your yard?  They are petite, but delicious.  These are the ones I got sent home with one week.  We’ve had them more than that.  She also brings flower shop worthy bouquets to church on a regular basis from her home garden.  Impressive.  I hope I get to see it one day.

A Little Bit of Work. A Lot of Fun.

A yummy little spot on Cannery Row, Monterey.

Mmmm!  1/2 for you, 1/2 for me. 

Ellie helping me with something.  Check out this stove.  It’s gotta be a 1950’s original.  It has 6 gas burners, a top that lifts up and clips overhead (that white thing above her ears), has 2 tiny ovens, and 2 broiler drawers.

What a team!  Putting the trampoline back together after it’s month of vacation.  Hours of exercise & enjoyment right in our own back yard.

Chris began teaching the kids how to play chess in Florida.  I think this was the game where Ellie actually took Chris by surprise and won.  Surely he was feeling like he had it “in the bag” and wasn’t paying attention.  Perhaps it was the drink that helped her.  ha.  That was added for the picture.

Best friends.  Will travel.

Our friends from church told us there was a sand castle contest at the Carmel Beach.  We headed over to have a look see.  The contest was over, but we got to see the work that hadn’t been washed away by the incoming tide.  The beach was WINDY!  Definitely different from FL beaches.  Can you see the change in elevation in the background?  The lovely green spot is one of the golf courses in Pebble Beach.  Lots of seaweed & dogs (as previously mentioned)!

Knocking the sand off so the shoes can go back on.

Unpacking & Bird Rock

The thing that set this move apart from others (especially the last one) was Chris taking a couple weeks of leave.  It was wonderful because each day we would do a little unpacking, errands, phone calls, then go exploring our local area.  The unpacking didn’t seem to wear on because we took lots of breaks.  Of course, this extended the number of days we unpacked, but it was great having Chris all to ourselves for nearly 4 weeks!  He’s been working loooong hours the past 3 years so it was a welcome break.  That is also the reason he had plenty of days to spare.  He was always too busy working to use them!

The girls are pleased they get a chance to have their own rooms this time.  Ever since Aiden was born they have been sharing a room.  Of course this is very fine and has worked well.  However, the house Chris picked out had some “bonus square footage”!  (something we were NOT expecting in CA with the high cost of housing)

Both girls have “horse” rooms.  They chose this theme mutually when we assumed they would be sharing a room, as usual.  When we found out about the extra rooms at this house they each stuck with the original plan.  The house is very unique in many ways.  One is that both of the girl rooms have actual wood walls.  Can’t get any better than that for girls who dreamed of a horse themed room.  “What exactly is a horse room,” you ask .  Well, in this case it has translated to mean every horse figurine they own is displayed on the built in shelves.  Ellie has a horse blanket, (made with love by Grandma B).  They each have their pink cowgirl hats displayed, have cowboy hat hooks, and probably more.  I like the kid rooms because of all the built in storage space!

Visiting Bird Rock Beach (located off of 17 Mile Drive, Pebble Beach).  This lovely location on the Pacific coast is very near to our house.  In fact, if you’ve ever heard of 17 Mile Drive, our road intersects it at one point.  No doubt about it…this part of California is beautiful.  On this visit the sun was setting, the wind was blowing, and it was pretty chilly.  There was a wedding taking place nearby, overlooking the rocks and ocean.  I felt kinda bad for the bride & bridesmaids.  They were obviously freezing and those fancy hairdo’s were taking a beating.

Chris, the kids, and Maria (the dog) down on the rocks.  There are many seals (or are they sea otters?) sunning themselves on the rocks.  I’ve asked Chris the difference between the two many times and we even borrowed books and a DVD on this very subject from the library.  Somehow it hasn’t stuck with me yet.

Despite missing FL friends, the kids have repeatedly commented on liking it here.  There is so much to see and do for free.  The natural scenery is beautiful and they have had many new experiences.  Oh, I must mention that this area of CA (don’t know about the rest yet) is VERY dog friendly.  In FL there are “no dog” signs everywhere around the parks & beaches.  Here you stick out like a sore thumb without one.  Funny.  Course it is clear that these dogs are elevated to people status and they do go overboard, but they also seem like responsible pet owners who pick up after their pet so the privilege isn’t spoiled for the masses.