I’ve had this conversation with several people:
“I’d like to adopt, but my husband/wife doesn’t.”
We aren’t all called to the same thing. Spouses need to be in agreement regarding adoption. If one spouse is being dragged along half-heartedly then it will cause much tension when the going gets rough. It is such an enormous commitment. Or maybe the desire isn’t mutual now, but will be someday. Pray. Don’t nag. You must be united and equally convicted/called because it is going to be a long and hard road.
I was thinking about this as we bounced across Ukraine more than seven hours to get to Zap. The roads were so pothole ridden it was like driving on old cobblestone with no end in sight. I kept wondering which “bump bum bump” would render us with a crippled tire or if the van would just burst apart at the seams from so many loose bolts. If someone isn’t committed, things won’t be pretty when one spouse drags the other half way around the world to drive on roads like these. Never mind having the child home and not being able to communicate with one another besides through a translation app!
But if you are in it together, you can laugh to tears the hardest you’ve laughed in ages before the kids wake up in the morning over cultural differences even though you stayed in a “nice” hotel. Either one of us could have let it ruin our day, but it didn’t.
We can’t all be pastors, doctors, choir members, teachers, etc. I think the important thing is finding out what gifts and talents you have and them using them for God’s glory.
For example, I was recently telling a friend about Chris and my mutual personality of NOT wanting to be up front or leading, but that we will do our best behind the scenes work possible. She said, “Oh, you are facilitators.” Hmmm. Didn’t know it had a title, but sounds nice. Maybe it will help point us in the right direction for when we are contemplating our after Air Force employment days.
“Now isn’t the right time.”
That could be true. Or maybe it is the right time. Imagine, what if God has a child for you…do you want him or her staying in an orphanage even one day longer without a family than necessary? It will never be the right time! My house is still always messy. I still yell too much. I’m too lazy. I’m too busy, etc.
Are you open to the idea, but still not sure? Host an orphan in your home during a Christmas or summer break. There are many reputable programs that an internet search will yield.
Maybe you are mutually interested, but timid and not sure how to begin. Attend classes. Begin your paperwork. That was where we began. We decided if God wanted us to adopt he would show us by either bringing a child or not bringing a child, but that it couldn’t happen without our first being legally ready. I’ve heard many people say they’d like to adopt “someday” but it isn’t something that just falls in your lap. Much work has to be done to be legally ready. For us, sure enough, a short time later came Niya.
Maybe you aren’t called to adopt. Maybe you are a single parent, or your spouse isn’t on board, or one has medical issues that wouldn’t warrant you as “suitable parents”. But can you support a family who wants to adopt?! Cash is always appreciated, but maybe you are short on that too. Donate your time. Help them organize fund raisers like a rummage sale. Pray with and for them. Gather friends and decorate the new child’s new room. Watch their kids when they go to appointments or overseas for the finalization. Show them you really mean it. Give a date you are available and list services you’d could provide. Whatever. Just lend them your support.
Make a difference for a child, for a family.